It’s September. It’s been months since I’ve blogged and I apologize again for my silence. This last season was a tad… challenging. And instead of having an abundance of words that needed to be organized through writing (this verbal processor’s usual way of working it through) I found myself tongue-tied.
Searching for the language, this was the best I could come up with. A letter. I wrote it almost as a therapy tool for myself.
For the little girl whose wanted to be a missionary since she was very small. Someone should have prepared her. Not to scare her with the realities but to encourage her of the strength that lay within.
So without further filler- here it is; to a young Cassandra, and well—the 10-year-old version of us all….
“There will be moments you want to give up. There will be times when you not only think, but know you are in way over your head. There will be days of eye swelling sobs and side-splitting laughter.
You will be stretched. Oh my you will be pulled farther than you thought your heart could reach! And in those thin moments, with your heart on the line, vulnerability will kick in, as it does whenever love is involved. However still, in those moments life may not turn out the way you had thought.
In those moments you may not find the tears or the giggles. Only silence. In those moments, get lost in him. Always get lost in him. Worship with your whole heart. Never waste a hard day. A sad day. A long day after all the hard days have piled up. Because it will pass, and the night will fade and morning will come, and it’s a special chance to lay a rare gift at papa’s feet. Anybody can praise him after promotion. Take advantage of the trials. Cause Lord knows they will come. See them as opportunities. Beloved opportunities to love on our sweet Jesus.
And then there will be petty moments.
The moments you may just want to shop. “You take yourself wherever you go” –One of my favorite things mom ever told me. And even in a war zone, though you may think you are Super Woman (and you are—don’t worry!) You are still You. And there will be moments you may want to hang up your cape or, bedazzle it.
To breathe. To have a moment of normalcy. (Which will be defined loosely) A hair cut maybe?
In the flow of being a “missionary” you may miss a hair cut. Or two. Your curled locks may fray and turn into a frazzled mane. Your clothes, somewhat like your heart, will stretch. They’ll get holes. Loose their color and fade. But in the midst of it all, find the moments for yourself. Take time, pour into your heart. Rest, BREATHE. Do your nails and travel 8hrs for a hot shower. Because although other super missionaries may not need this, there will be days when it’s ok that you do.
But I want to encourage you, though I’ve described the challenges, I hope to not burst any bubbles. As in the end—you will LOVE life. It’s absolutely incredible actually! You’ll see your wildest dreams come true. Soldiers on their knees, crying out for the living God, asking for discipleship — not much beats those moment. And your friends, those running with you all around the world… They’re gold. Always prioritize them.
So young Cass, don’t worry, it’s better than you think! Though it may look different, and even be really hard sometimes—never give up.. Because every day with him is worth it. Every surrendered “yes” is worth it. And life is never about the end result. “Making it” or “Arriving” It’s about the beautiful compilation of surrendered “yes’” to his heart, and like I said, every day, as long as it’s with him– oh so worth it.”